


Wildcard

by DayDreamer_Lee



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Random & Short, Self-Insert, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:14:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DayDreamer_Lee/pseuds/DayDreamer_Lee
Summary: Don't take this seriously. I'm just writing down whatever comes to mind. It's gonna be mary sue-ish and in paragraphs, small notes, bullet points; basically anything can happen. I might even change whatever happens in a previous "chapter" without even realizing it.It's gonna be canon-compliant (because I suck at thinking up a new plot) & canon-divergent (because of self-insert).I was thinking about something like a brainstorming session rather than a proper story.Summary: Being born into the Uchiha clan. (Because at some point watching/reading Naruto, you wanted to be one too.)
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how to tag so if you have any suggestions, tell me. I want people to not read, or even see, my story if it's not their tea.  
> I love you, Exclude filter!

Well, I can safely say that I have managed to do something all Uchiha fangirls has dreamed of at some point in their life.

Being born into the Uchiha clan. Original, I know.

My first awakening in this world is not clear, for the lack of brain functions, like waking up despite my body who still wants to sleep, everything was blurry, and I could hear excited mumblings. As someone who was used to hearing loud engine zooming by my home, the noises are like a lullaby and I easily slip back into oblivion.

My second awakening was much more horrifying. Someone had woken me up with gentle shaking and prodding, one of my worst pet-peeve, I tried to bat the annoying hand away only to notice my limb isn’t responding to how I wanted it to. I forced my eyes open to see blurriness again but it’s nothing new, I have long forgotten what it’s like to wake to clearness after obtaining my glasses at a young age. As something got closer, words could not describe how terrifying it is to see a breast so close to my face. I screamed; embarrassment be damned.

Turns out, screaming made it worse, my Uchiha parents assumed I was hungry, and my “mother” tried to do… that again. This causes me to scream even louder since I couldn’t move arms or legs, not even my blatant effort to avoid it by turning my head (Thank goodness for small miracles) could deter them from trying. And thus, the loop of horror continues, I tried so hard only for it to end in vain. All I know is that I had to get away from this traumatizing thing.

By my third awakening and onwards, everything around was clearer, and I started taking in information, that’s when my mood swings began. From insane giggling to a temper tantrum to hiding under the futon in silent fear to bawling for no apparent reason, from the parents’ point of view at least. Fanfiction may make it sound easy but who the hell accepts them so fast? Is there nothing you would miss about your life? Heck, I can’t even remember how I died or went into a coma or whatever the heck causes me to come here but it better not be some stupid reason or cliché like getting hit by the infamous truck-kun. I’ll probably need to sue someone. It could be possible that they skip those parts to get to the good stuff in the story, but I digress.

Luckily, Yamato and Tomoe were very understanding. Very Japanese names if I remember correctly, I was expecting something to do with eyes or their bloodline limit. Turns out, they do not believe in the old ways of the clan. It was one of the reasons they got together, note-to-self: need to get that story out of them later. None of that proper attitude and pride of the clan BS, they simply loved me for being their daughter even with all the headaches I gave them. I would never have the heart to tell them I will probably never love them as much as I love my original parent, and maybe not even as much as my siblings from before. At least I could ease some of that guilt by spending my time with them when I had the chance and do small favours for like giving him a shoulder massage after he comes back from work and helping her with household chores. (No Internet does wonder to a person’s habit. Anything to get rid of the boredom. And withdrawal symptoms, I’m still not over it.)

I still remember bawling my eyes out when I found out about my new name. It reminds me a little too much about who I am in my previous life to make me feel safe about my place in this world. It sounded too similar to my family name. The good news is, this happened when I was 1.

They named me “Rii”.

I was the second coming of the “Black Sheep” according to the Uchiha clan, first being Obito but I don’t think he could be considered that seeing as he went from dead last to this upgraded version where he can rage war with confidence and developed an emo personality to boot. Who knew Madara could be such a great teacher? Or was it the Zetsu(s)?

Back on topic, due to the unintentional or intentional suppression of the clan from the village, probably intentional knowing ~~Danzo~~ root guy. (I don't want to die yet) The elders are pushing younger generations to pick up shinobi as a career to uphold our “power” in the village. Needless to say, I refused to be a shinobi. Just thinking about taking a life, that’s assuming I can even take a life. make my hands tremble and even if I don’t have to, just looking a wound or a needle makes me weak in the knees. There’s a difference between roleplaying you can do those stuff in your imagination and reality. Even if that’s my reality now.

Last time Yamato took me out of the clan compound during those rare moments, I saw injured a team of shinobi returning. A short glance at those open wounds is enough for me to be weak in the knees and lose my appetite. Not being a shinobi will of course by theory, prevent my Sharingan from activating as it only appears under stressful conditions. Or as the old guys put it, worthy of the power. Unfortunately, my identity crisis is enough to trigger them at the age of 2 (only one tomoe but it’s still one too many) but those old farts do not need to know that. I was firm on my decision of being a civilian Uchiha despite the clan’s history of being majority shinobis, minimum genin level, even those females or males who have retired early from the field due to personal matters have at least went through training to a Chunin level. Thus my “Black Sheep” status. My only redeeming point is my endurance according to those old fossils, but my mood swings killed whatever military training they had planned for every Uchiha child.

However, I am no naïve as to think I will be safe by staying in the village judging from how easily Kumo could kidnap Hinata in the manga/anime. I tried to learn basic self-defence technique from Yamato, and to my surprise, it isn’t as taxing as I thought it would be. (Still flinching away at incoming objects though) Then I remembered that this is a different body to what I used to have, it doesn’t have asthma and other complication that 1st world country contributed, preventing me from doing anything strenuous for a long period of time. Now that I think about it, I think Yamato make me exercise with him under the guise of bonding. I can walk around Konoha and daydream to my heart’s content and without feeling like I’m dying afterwards, feet still aches, hopefully, I learn to walk without running into pole or sign before the Uchiha massacre happens. Where are you Kakashi? Teach me to walk like you!

My goal is to live to the fullest before the massacre happened. And on the topic of that, I still haven’t found out how many years I have left before Itachi hit 13 years old.

The quickest way is to semi-stalk the Uchiha heir. So here I am loitering at the academy, trying to get a glance if Itachi is here. If not, I would have to check the ninja registry. Good thing Yamato is one of the rare Uchiha in the Shinobi Force. He couldn’t possibly still have not attended the academy, or else I would have heard complains about the clan heir is not able to attend school yet. The manga or anime never really specified people’s age when showing those flashbacks so I’m taking the longer and more frustrating route of finding information.

I hear noisy fangirls; I look up and there he is. Konoha’s _greatest_ and _most tragic_ hero _cough **brocon** cough_ in all his… smallness. He’s so cute! In an “I want to pinch his cheeks” cute kind of way. Is there a chibi filter here? Realising I almost melt at those chubby cheeks, I slap myself then turn to hurt my hand by slapping the tree I was leaning on just now. I was honestly disappointed that he was already attending the academy despite my actions and thoughts, a longer life span is always appreciated.

I turn back once I have calmed down, to see my “cousin” staring at me with a curious look. Shoot, the urge to pinch and squeal is back! No, don’t tilt your head to the side and don’t give me that look! I run away from the scene, so much for finding out his age. But the good news is, I was in a better mood because it’s been a while since I had my fill of fluff. It took me 2 years to finally get rid of the side effect that is Internet Withdrawal Syndrome, somewhat, still crave some good deetz if you know what I mean, but one can never get enough of cute things. Even if that cute thing can kill you in less than 3 seconds.

Unfortunately, I must go back to the academy because I only know he attended academy around 6 or so and graduated a year later. Either way that’s 6 years until I’ll be killed…. Now that I think about it, I should feel quite morbid to think of my own death so casually. At least I pray that Itachi is the one who kills me instead of ~~Obito~~ ~~Madara~~ uh mask guy, he may be kind enough to give me and my family a quick and painless death. (hm... what are my chances if I wrote the names down...?)

And that concludes my summary up until this point. I hope this is how a journal/diary works. Maybe I put too much detail? Nah, I can’t trust my memories. The more details the better, the last thing I want is to forget. Good night.

Tomorrow - Ask Kaa-san how old Itachi is. Then go to the bookstore to find any food recipes.  
Note to self: Try to find Icha Icha Paradise. Need to find out how scandalous it is.  
Edit: OMG did Itachi really kill the clan at 13?! WTF is wrong with those old men, why is Hiruzen allowing this?!

Edit1: _Fanfic reading does wonders to your handling of the situation. ~~Look how fast I'm adapting to the concept of Isekai symptoms.~~_ That's a lie btw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Know that you choose to read this, so I do not want any rude comments. I know better than anyone it's broken, the warnings are in the summary. Not your tea, don't drink. Nobody goes poisoning themselves for fun.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one.

“You want me to what?” Please tell me I heard wrong.

“I ask if you are willing to babysit Sasuke.” Repeats my mother, bless her for taking my rudeness in stride. “You know, Fugaku-sama and,”

“I know who they are, but why me?” No seriously, what?

“why would they allow me to-” No wait. Did Fugaku or Mikoto make the request? I can’t imagine Fugaku agreeing to it so high chance its Mikoto, but for what purpose? I’ll admit I had a short fangirl moment, because its tiny Sasuke, no wait! Get back on topic Rii! I only understand basic self-defence, I’m not well-liked by the "older" older generations, I did not have any interactions with that family. I only met them once on my way back from doing an errand, and all I did was bow and meet their eye. Was that bad? Is it rude? That can’t be right because if it was rude, they would have reacted and certainly not allow me to be anywhere near the family’s baby boy. Is it because I was the one with the freest time? Well, that’s rude if that’s what they assume-

“Rii, snap out of it. Stay focus.” I hear the snapping of fingers in front of my face. Ah, I went into processing mode again.

“Sigh, you really need to stop taking that much time to think.” She looks tired.

“I don’t like to be wrong or get the wrong idea.”

“I know, but its just a babysitting side job. There’s no right or wrong. If you mess up, they’ll just never hired you again.”

“Kaa-san, we’re talking about the main family here. Even if our family isn’t something big within the clan, whatever I do in that household is going to come back to bite me. Or us.” I cross my arms. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

Yeah, don’t kid yourself Rii. You’re a nobody here, interacting with the main cast or something is for the important people. If I interact with them, I’ll have an early death. Either by starstruck or struck down by this broken system. Anything goes here, it’s bad enough I’m in a new world, I’m not even a civilian but a clan bound for early extinction. But I guess being in Konoha is a blessing by itself. The other country doesn’t sound as appealing in their early days.

“Rii.” My mother has her hand on my head. “I don’t know what to say to ease that overworked brain of yours. But this is a chance for you to contribute in a way that keeps the elders off your back.”  
I look up at her.

“This was something that your father and I discussed with the others. Since you didn’t want to be a Shinobi, you could look after the younger generation. With this, the on-duties could take the extra time to improve their skills. You could also help the younger generation learn a few self-defences before it’s their time to partake in the official clan training.”

Did those fossils go after my parents?

“Just give it a try.” She gives a sad smile. “Kaa-san didn’t want to see her daughter looking so lost every time she decided to take a break above the Hokage wall.” Ah, she saw my brooding.  
If it’s in the genes, then I’m doomed to mope forever. I hope she didn’t see me cry; I feel bad enough as it is. But homesickness isn’t something that can be cured for me. And a tiny part of me wishes it stayed that way. You do not belong here Rii, it’s only a few more years. A few more years and you’d be gone. Well, that got dark fast.

“Only until they are available?” I glance upwards beyond her arm to her eyes.

She smiles, “Yes, only until Itachi or Mikoto comes back.”

I nod in response, “Please tell me I will get paid?”

“Yes, of course.” Kaa-san chuckled, “maybe you’d get along with Sasuke and enjoy it.”

Hahaha, “Not going to happen Kaa-san.” Famous last words

> Today was a disaster. I’ll admit I am tempted to say yes to the job immediately because 2nd main character hello. When will I be able to find an excuse to get a close look at him again? But then it’ll put me in-sight of Itachi and his brocon… If he gives me a painful death for that he is off my favourite character list. But just once wouldn’t be so bad…? Next week, I am to report to the main household at 1 pm after lunch. Bless Mikoto, I don’t have to get up that early and make lunch for the tiny avenger. I will add more if there’s anything big or interesting. On the bright side, the egg cake is coming along good. I’m glad I paid attention when she’s cooking.
> 
> I miss your cooking Mi. (I can’t believe there comes a day I miss your nagging.)

Swiping my eyes of tears, I take a deep breath. It’s okay Rii, a few more years and it’s over. You might even meet your actual family before the universe rips your memory and chart you off for reincarnation or some other shit. It’s okay. You’re okay. Don’t think about it.

I close my notebook, freshen up and went back to the steamer to check on my cake. Kaa-san finds my baking/cooking phase lovely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might randomly go back to older chapters to edit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I forgot to mention that my "chapters" are not going to be in a straight timeline. In case anyone got confused when I mention something that wasn't written or fleshed out yet.

While waiting for next week (doomsday) arrival, let’s keep the cooking/baking hobby going. Up until now, I have been using my recipe from my previous life, tasty, but the nostalgic flavour probably isn’t good for my mental health. Time to go cookbook hunting and find Icha Icha (my real motive, let's be real).

First stop, the library. Looking at the place it seems normal, I do not know what I was expecting but the lack of air-conditioning is off-putting for someone who has only known library to be a cold place. The huge windows are a plus though, the light is filtered just right by the hanging cloths over the windows and whenever there is a breeze, there is this faint trace of flowery and grassy smell, like those after a drizzle on a grass patch.

Then a huge wind blows in, papers start flying around the room, the librarian hurry to catch them. I take it back, I prefer the cold room, I can hear children down the streets screaming too. (Of course, I help the librarian, I am not that selfish. It's not because I can ask her where are all the books that I need so I can leave faster. Nope.) 

Looking through each shelf, there seem to be a lot of self-help books on social interaction. A whole wall to the side of the building filled to the brim.

I know who those are for… I knew it was the right thing to not take the Shinobi career path. I’m already social awkward, why would I further doom myself?

Moving away from the wall, the moment I walk to the section that held cookbooks I grab as many as I could hold with my child body. Why are they so thick? Oh, some of them are by the Akimichi family, I will take it!

Before I leave, let’s see if this place will stock something like the Icha Icha. 

…

………

……………

Do not ask why I checked, you never know, better safe than sorry. Now, will you stop judging me for looking for what was basically a _porn_ book in a public library.

I do not know what I was thinking.

Time to try the bookstores. Wait, won’t it be worse? I am obviously below the age limit.

Hm......

> Today I begged for chakra lessons, judging by how fast Yamato agreed I’d say he’s pretty happy his daughter is interested even if just a little bit of our clan’s main career. Tomoe was a bit more sceptical, a mother’s instinct perhaps, but she soon let it go. She feels that knowing these lessons will only help me. I’m sorry but your daughter does not have any noble intention from learning chakra manipulation.
> 
> Getting the leaf to stick to my head and fingers is kind of easy? They are supposed to train my concentration which is why it is usually hard for academy students. I suppose I should not be too proud about this seeing as I’m not really a child. The shame of being proud of something that older academy students have almost no problems doing. Yamato disagrees if the praise he gave was any indication. Tou-san if you knew I was not 4 years old you won’t be saying those words.
> 
> I wonder if there are any spare futons or any other soft cushion I could borrow, I have never gotten a concussion and I do not have any intention to start now. Yamato says failing tree climbing will help train my landing at the same time. I sort of see his point and was almost convinced, but then Tomoe came out with a newspaper roll and hit him on the head. Asking him what he was thinking, telling a 4-year-old to risk concussion.
> 
> Bless you, Kaa-san. I’m going to make your favourite dish for tomorrow’s lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are ANY contradictions between my new chapters and my old ones, please point them out to me no matter how small. At which chapter numbers and a section of the words, please.
> 
> I can accept my story being a piece of trash but to contradict myself and break the rules of the world I have created is a huge no-no for me.

**Author's Note:**

> Do let me know what to tag so you could or others could filter my "story" better. For both exclude and include. I know from personal experience that going into a story given no warnings or a heads-up can be a bad experience. Be it a certain trope or ship, etc.
> 
> Know that you choose to read this, so I do not want any rude comments. I know better than anyone it's broken, the warnings are in the summary. Not your tea, don't drink. Nobody goes poisoning themselves for fun.


End file.
